Dear Homecare.
Recently I had to spend a week home alone while my parents went on an adventure without me. It's fine, I mean, I don't care but I had to mention it because it's important in the story. So while they were away I was in charge of things. Important things. Like feeding the pets, starting small house fires to keep warm, cooking myself toast and making sure the mail was collected. It was that last part that brought me some grief. Although it seems like the most mundane task (the kind of task you'd let a special kid do) it was quite a bother. You see we receive Homecare catalogues in our mail (I'm not sure if it's catalogue or catelogue so I'll use both) and surprise, surprise when they give them to you they're not really giving them to you. You have to give them back otherwise they bombard you with little notes that are highlighted and basically those don't stop until you return the catalogue. My point is, I didn't know this is how they worked. I thought they were like all the other catalogues that we get, you know, the kind you line your pets litter tray with? So I threw them on the mail pile and went about my business...my business being sleeping and watching Dexter because when you're home alone and you can throw wild parties that is exactly what you don't do.
Back on topic, on Tuesday I found a note from my catalogue people asking for it back. So naturally I ignored it. Because that's how we deal with things, ignore them and they go away...YES IT IS HOW IT WORKS! SHUT UP! Anyway this morning, at 6am, I found another little note from the catalogue people taped to my door handle. I was horrified because at 6am when my brain is hardly functioning a little voice in my head tells me that the distance between the front door and my car is the most dangerous I will ever come across. When I get ready to leave in the morning I often wonder if there's a rapist/murderer waiting outside for me and if there is I most likely wouldn't see them until it was too late because it's so dark at that time of day. Regardless of whether I'm crazy or not, the little note freaked me out because I thought it would be from a psychopath. I went about my day and upon arriving home I found yet another note from the catalogue people. What bothers me isn't that it's all typed up, highlighted and taped carelessly to my property, it's...oh no, wait, that's exactly what bothers me. So anyway I decided to write them a letter, since they've already sent me three. It was polite. I've taped it to the catalogue and I'm going to leave it in the mailbox. I hope they reply. We could be pen friends.
Because my scanner insists on turning everything blue I've decided to write the note here too. Let us begin:
Dear Ian + Sue,
Thank you for the multiple notes in my mailbox and on my front door regarding the collection of the catalogue. Although I have not had the opportunity or desire to flick through the contents of the booklet I get a feeling that there is an urgency in returning it to you.
The concept of you giving me a catalogue and then demanding I give it back eludes me, however, your persistence in this matter has convinced me that it is of great importance. Persistence really is key when it comes to getting what you want.
What I found most confusing was why you would leave the catelogues in the mail in the first place. It seems to be quite precious to you but you just flung it in there like a piece of trash. Over the last two days I have thought about this and I've come to understand that this was an error on your behalf. We all make mistakes. For example, sometimes I leave my keys in my front door, one day this will be to my detriment.
Anyway to help you with your little bout of confusion regarding giving catelogues then taking them away, I've come up with a suitable option for everyone. Don't leave them in my mailbox. I know initially the thought of not leaving me your precious little booklet sounds horrid but it's what's best for everyone. You wouldn't have to send me highlighted notes and I wouldn't have to get cross about you violating my personal space and leaving notes on my door handle, because let's be honest, that's extremely creepy.
I feel this is best for everyone.
Wishing you luck in all your Indian-giving endeavours,
Vanessa.
Back on topic, on Tuesday I found a note from my catalogue people asking for it back. So naturally I ignored it. Because that's how we deal with things, ignore them and they go away...YES IT IS HOW IT WORKS! SHUT UP! Anyway this morning, at 6am, I found another little note from the catalogue people taped to my door handle. I was horrified because at 6am when my brain is hardly functioning a little voice in my head tells me that the distance between the front door and my car is the most dangerous I will ever come across. When I get ready to leave in the morning I often wonder if there's a rapist/murderer waiting outside for me and if there is I most likely wouldn't see them until it was too late because it's so dark at that time of day. Regardless of whether I'm crazy or not, the little note freaked me out because I thought it would be from a psychopath. I went about my day and upon arriving home I found yet another note from the catalogue people. What bothers me isn't that it's all typed up, highlighted and taped carelessly to my property, it's...oh no, wait, that's exactly what bothers me. So anyway I decided to write them a letter, since they've already sent me three. It was polite. I've taped it to the catalogue and I'm going to leave it in the mailbox. I hope they reply. We could be pen friends.
 |
| My scanner has a blue fetish. Everything must be blue. |
Because my scanner insists on turning everything blue I've decided to write the note here too. Let us begin:
Dear Ian + Sue,
Thank you for the multiple notes in my mailbox and on my front door regarding the collection of the catalogue. Although I have not had the opportunity or desire to flick through the contents of the booklet I get a feeling that there is an urgency in returning it to you.
The concept of you giving me a catalogue and then demanding I give it back eludes me, however, your persistence in this matter has convinced me that it is of great importance. Persistence really is key when it comes to getting what you want.
What I found most confusing was why you would leave the catelogues in the mail in the first place. It seems to be quite precious to you but you just flung it in there like a piece of trash. Over the last two days I have thought about this and I've come to understand that this was an error on your behalf. We all make mistakes. For example, sometimes I leave my keys in my front door, one day this will be to my detriment.
Anyway to help you with your little bout of confusion regarding giving catelogues then taking them away, I've come up with a suitable option for everyone. Don't leave them in my mailbox. I know initially the thought of not leaving me your precious little booklet sounds horrid but it's what's best for everyone. You wouldn't have to send me highlighted notes and I wouldn't have to get cross about you violating my personal space and leaving notes on my door handle, because let's be honest, that's extremely creepy.
I feel this is best for everyone.
Wishing you luck in all your Indian-giving endeavours,
Vanessa.
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