My names Vanessa. I have the attention span of a gnat.

Often I find it difficult to pay attention to people when they speak. It's not that I don't want to listen to what they're saying it's just that the thoughts in my head are actually much more interesting. Most of my friends have realized this on their own and either give up on telling me stories or tell them to me with no expectation of me being able to recall any aspect of the story. I like this about my friends, although it's a little bit sad that they've given up any hope of holding my attention for more than 45 seconds.


Despite most of my friends making this discovery fairly early on in our friendship, some people still haven't made the same discovery. For example, my mother. It baffles me that she hasn't picked up on this since she's known me the longest out of everyone in the world.

Me: I need a dress to wear to the engagement.

Mum: wear this one. It needs ironing *holds dress against me* actually with this one all you need to do to get rid of the wrinkles is..

Me: look at this mum, it says 'Liddle Facts: No. 202 Hyenas regularly eat the feces of other animals!' Ha! That was on the lid of my drink.

Mum: listen, I'm only telling you this once..

Me: why would you put that on a drink? No one wants to read about feces while they're drinking juice.

Mum: *stares*

Me: what makes it worse is it was apple juice. Apple juice already looks like urine. People spend all their time trying not to think about that while they drink it and now they're talking about feces!

Mum: Seriously listen, you can't iron this one. You need to hang it up in the..

Me: sometimes when you talk I tune out. Have I ever told you that?

Mum:yeah you've told me..

Me: it's just you take so long to tell me things, I can't focus..


Mum: but all you need to do is..


Me: B-O-R-I-N-G...

Mum: Vanessa just give me the dress.

Me: no need to get cranky. Tell me now. I'll listen now. It's important..

Mum: alright so you just need to hang it like this and put it in...

Me: *holds up wooden turtle from Fiji* I was thinking of getting us a turtle. We could call it Sheldon. Or Franklin. Although I think Franklin was a tortoise. They're cuter.

Mum: *muttering in Spanish* I'll do it. Don't worry.

Me: alright.