Early bird does not get the worm.

I needed a break from studying. I also feel the need to post a new blog. By new blog I mean old blog from http://vanessachamizo.wordpress.com/ but whatever. I figured I’d kill two birds with one stone…who came up with that saying? It’s messed up. Most sayings are actually. And they’re wrong, oh how they are wrong. That’s what this blog is about. Sayings and how wrong they are.

1. Kill two birds with one stone. Who kills birds with stones? The fact that someone killed one bird with a stone is inhumane  (and maybe impossible) but two? Really? No. You can’t kill birds with stones. Unless the bird is completely still, or dead. Then you didn’t kill it anyway you just threw a stone at a dead bird. Weirdo.

2. You Can’t Have Your Cake and Eat It Too. Whoever came up with this was wasteful and possibly suffering from an eating disorder. You make cake to eat it. Or give it away but usually you still get to eat a bit of it.

3. Happy as a clam. Imagine being the person who came up with this. The happiest thing they could think of was a clam. A CLAM?! They don’t look happy, they look like someone threw up in a shell.

4. Don’t count your chickens before they hatch. Counting chickens before they hatch is counting eggs. The saying should just be, don’t count eggs because they are not chickens. Simple and to the point.

5. Early bird gets the worm. This one annoys me the most but in context it might be true. I’m not really sure when worms are the most readily available to be eaten but surely they can’t all be early risers. Anyway I may not have spent a lot of time looking at worms but I’ve seen enough birds to know that they’re sneaky. Let me paint you a picture. Bird A, let’s call him George, rises early and goes out searching for worms. At approximately 7:33am George locates the perfect worm. The crème de la crop of all worms. He swoops in and starts pecking at the said worm. At this point bird B, let’s call her Nancy, wakes from her nest and sees George pecking at the worm. Being a bird and having no sense of worm eating etiquette, she swoops in, scratches George in the face and steals the worm. Early bird didn’t get the worm. Early bird gets scratched in the face and goes hungry. He might even die but that’s not the point. He loses. My advice? Sleep in guys, you don’t eat worms anyway.