Talkin' about Stalkin'

Today at work and my stalker came in. Three times. I haven't seen him for a few weeks so I thought I'd be friendly...also I work in retail so I'm basically forced to be friendly. He's crazy so I decided that I would blog all the hilarious things he said to me today. Also because if I ever go missing you guys are responsible for calling the police and telling them to look out for the crazy stuttering stalker that comes into work with brown hair and a blond rat tail.

Anyway, these are our stories *cue law and order music*

Visit Number One.
Me: Hey, haven't seen you in a while.
Stalky: Did you miss me?
Me: I wouldn't say that.
Stalky: No that would be inappropriate...you know where that's from? Smallville.
Me: I don't watch that sorry.

Stalky: You dyed your hair.
Me: Yep, it's red. Do you like it?
Stalky: No.

Stalky: Whose out there in the back?
Me: That's Matt.
Stalky: *to Matt* HEY MATT, YOU HAVING A LITTLE LIE DOWN?!

Matt: Hey
Stalky: Hey Matt you know what a good line that works on girls is? When you hold their hands you say 'I feel warm'...or when you touch their bodies.
Me: Oh god. I'm going to the bathroom
Stalky: Would that line work Vanessa?
Me: No. There is no way that line would ever work.

Visit Number Two.
While I was putting stock out on the floor he came and stood next to me. Very, very close next to me. So close in fact that I actually said, 'you're way too close to me'.

Stalky: Do you have a boyfriend Vanessa?
Me: Yep.
Stalky: Oh, I thought you thought I was cute.
Me: I don't know why you'd think...um. No, I have a boyfriend.
Stalky: Two other girls thought I was cute.
Me: Why don't you date them?
Stalky: They have boyfriends.... Sometimes I want to kill one of them and date them.
Me: Don't kill anyone.
Stalky: Don't worry Vanessa, I wouldn't kill you.
Me: um...*trying to hide my horrified look* ummmmm....
Stalky: I have to go now. *runs out of the store*

Visit Number Three.
Stalky: Hey Vanessa, I bet you didn't think you'd see me again.
Me: Nope, I did not.
Stalky: I like your brown hair better. The red brings out your eyes.
Me: okay.

Stalky: Do you like nail polish?
Me: What?
Stalky: You're wearing nail polish.
Me: Oh..yeah.
Stalky: What's your favorite colour?
Me: Purple.
Stalky: Mine used to be black but now it's just plain grey.

Stalky: How many boyfriends have you had?
Me: A couple.
Stalky: I wish I was your boyfriend
Me: *sadface* that's...ummm...hmm.

Stalky: Do you want to see my rat tail?
Me: No, that's disgusting. I don't ever want to see that.

The more I write the more weirded out/terrified I get about him so I'm just going to cut it out now.

Also, thanks @ChristopherLane for naming my blog today.