Grieving like a Motherbitch.
I wasn't going to write this blog because it has the potential to be too depressing. The topic will probably make you cry for ages. Or make me cry for ages. I'm not sure. Sometimes I confuse what I'm feeling with what other people are feeling. Anyway here goes.
My dog died. Now that I've said it I expect the 'hope you're alright' messages to stop. Also, enough with the 'you're not dealing with this very well' sort of statements because I'm dealing with this like a boss. So what if sometimes I wander the house calling for her then get annoyed that she's not coming. That's normal. It's a normal part of the grieving process. It's the 'Pretend-Nothing-Bad-Happened' phase. It can't be anything but normal especially if I used the word normal over and over again. Normal. Other phases which are expected include the 'I'll-Sacrifice-My-Cat-To-Get-Her-Back' phase, the 'Jesus-Is-Greedy-For-Taking-Her-Away' phase and the 'I-Don't-Blame-God-For-Her-Death-I-Blame-You-And-You-Will-Pay' phase. All are natural parts of dealing with grief.
Since I've already started writing we may as well talk about dealing with grief. Apparently there are 5 stages of grieving or something. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
In a way I've gone through most of these in the last week. I'll make it easy for you to follow.
Denial: Pretend-Nothing-Bad-Happened phase.
According to this phase, wandering the house calling for her is exactly what is expected of me and I'll be damned if I don't do this a few times a week just to prove that the stages of grief are accurate. Also, according to the denial phase having this conversation with my mum over and over again is fine.
Me: where's Celiney?
Mum: she's gone to heaven.
Me: yeah but when is she coming back?
Mum: *sad face*
Bargaining: I'll-Sacrifice-My-Cat-To-Get-Her-Back phase
Initially when I was informed that Celine was dying I was sad. I sat, sobbing on the floor with her on my lap because I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. After about an hour of that I realized that it was actually an opportunity to get rid of a less liked creature in my life. My cat. Well, not my cat, my sister's cat whom she abandoned because she didn't like her either. Actually now that I think about it maybe that's why the sacrificing didn't work because God knew she wasn't mine. Either that or he also hates the cat and would rather Celine. Anyway, it didn't work. I told God he could take the cat if he wanted and leave Celiney for me but no. He didn't.
Anger/Depression:
I know it seems like I've done the phases out of order but I don't think it matters as long as you do them all. It's like a test, as long as you do all the questions right then you still pass. And you know what your prize is? Uncontrollable grief. Aren't you lucky? You just played the greatest game ever created. Anyway, it doesn't matter if you do the phases in a different order. Besides, why would I become angry before I start bargaining? No one is going to consider your offer if you're angry from the start. I only really got angry once God decided he didn't want to take the cat instead. I mean, I don't blame him. The cat is terrible. She may even belong to Satan but that's beside the point. Currently I'm stuck in this phase. Don't worry I'll get over it eventually and I'll be sure to post a blog about the acceptance phase but until then I think I'll sit in bed and watch my vlogs about Celiney and complain to God about how he could be nicer to me.
The end.
My dog died. Now that I've said it I expect the 'hope you're alright' messages to stop. Also, enough with the 'you're not dealing with this very well' sort of statements because I'm dealing with this like a boss. So what if sometimes I wander the house calling for her then get annoyed that she's not coming. That's normal. It's a normal part of the grieving process. It's the 'Pretend-Nothing-Bad-Happened' phase. It can't be anything but normal especially if I used the word normal over and over again. Normal. Other phases which are expected include the 'I'll-Sacrifice-My-Cat-To-Get-Her-Back' phase, the 'Jesus-Is-Greedy-For-Taking-Her-Away' phase and the 'I-Don't-Blame-God-For-Her-Death-I-Blame-You-And-You-Will-Pay' phase. All are natural parts of dealing with grief.
Since I've already started writing we may as well talk about dealing with grief. Apparently there are 5 stages of grieving or something. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.
In a way I've gone through most of these in the last week. I'll make it easy for you to follow.
Denial: Pretend-Nothing-Bad-Happened phase.
According to this phase, wandering the house calling for her is exactly what is expected of me and I'll be damned if I don't do this a few times a week just to prove that the stages of grief are accurate. Also, according to the denial phase having this conversation with my mum over and over again is fine.
Me: where's Celiney?
Mum: she's gone to heaven.
Me: yeah but when is she coming back?
Mum: *sad face*
Bargaining: I'll-Sacrifice-My-Cat-To-Get-Her-Back phase
Initially when I was informed that Celine was dying I was sad. I sat, sobbing on the floor with her on my lap because I wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. After about an hour of that I realized that it was actually an opportunity to get rid of a less liked creature in my life. My cat. Well, not my cat, my sister's cat whom she abandoned because she didn't like her either. Actually now that I think about it maybe that's why the sacrificing didn't work because God knew she wasn't mine. Either that or he also hates the cat and would rather Celine. Anyway, it didn't work. I told God he could take the cat if he wanted and leave Celiney for me but no. He didn't.
Anger/Depression:
I know it seems like I've done the phases out of order but I don't think it matters as long as you do them all. It's like a test, as long as you do all the questions right then you still pass. And you know what your prize is? Uncontrollable grief. Aren't you lucky? You just played the greatest game ever created. Anyway, it doesn't matter if you do the phases in a different order. Besides, why would I become angry before I start bargaining? No one is going to consider your offer if you're angry from the start. I only really got angry once God decided he didn't want to take the cat instead. I mean, I don't blame him. The cat is terrible. She may even belong to Satan but that's beside the point. Currently I'm stuck in this phase. Don't worry I'll get over it eventually and I'll be sure to post a blog about the acceptance phase but until then I think I'll sit in bed and watch my vlogs about Celiney and complain to God about how he could be nicer to me.
The end.
I liked the blog when you were trying to get her to face the camera and she wouldnt. That made me laugh
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