My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard...and it's a terrible, terrible experience.

I have no motivation to write this blog but something remotely interesting happened to me yesterday and I’d feel bad not sharing it with the world. Especially since it’s amazingly creepy and I know everyone loves when I tell stories of all the crazy people that I seem to attract. To be honest, it makes me sad. I’ve told a few people this story and they’ve all laughed and apologized about how unlucky I am to meet these people so I guess it’s an alright story but yeah, still makes me unhappy. I’ll stop talking about the story and just tell you hey? Yeah, good idea.

Yesterday I had to work. It was a short shift 12-3. So prior to attending work I had a little situation go down that had made me extremely unhappy so I wasn’t really in the best mood or state of mind. However, I push through and before I realize it it’s 2:55pm. This guy comes in and starts asking for my opinion on movies to buy, so I wander around the store suggesting things to him because I’m friggen rad at customer service and also because there is no better way to kill time than to wander around the store talking about movies. After what I assumed to be 5 minutes, I ask for the time and he informs me that it’s 3pm so I politely thank him and leave him to pick his movies…and go collect my stuff because, heck, I’m not staying for a moment over the time I’m rostered on.

I say bye to my colleague and head out of the store before realizing that the guy is actually following me. I start looking in my bag for my headphones and he gets closer to me. I smile awkwardly and he goes, ‘what are you doing now? Do you want to get coffee?’. So to not sound rude, I completely ignore the question and pick up my pace and walk towards the escalator. But then I realize, he’s still walking alongside me. So I stopped.  You know when you have to make really quick decisions? I suck at that. I figure either this guy is going to follow me to my car or I’m going to have to get coffee with him. I agreed to the latter.

I know what you’re thinking, NO! DON’T HAVE COFFEE WITH THE STRANGE BOY! But hey, it’s the better option, I’d rather have a free coffee than have a stranger follow me to my car and kill me. Because let’s face it, anyone that follows you somewhere is a murderer.

Due to my general feelings of sadness I wasn’t really active in the conversation. When he asked me questions I responded with one word answers. But it was funny because everything I said he would respond with  ‘we’re so similar’ or ‘oh my god, we’re so perfect’. And I was all, alright crazy calm down. We’re not similar or perfect. You’re mental and I need to get out of here. So I started plotting. I’m excellent at plotting. I should include it in my skills list on my resume. I think there are lots of jobs that would like someone that is capable of plotting. Things like gardening. Oh wait, that’s potting. Never mind. It’s a very necessary skill to have. Regardless, I was plotting my escape and I decided to mention that I was parked in a 4 hour parking zone and had to leave. He was very understanding and only demanded my number before I ran off. Oh wait, no he said I looked sad and tried to hug me but I amped up the awkward and told him not to touch me so he backed off and I ran. Crying to my car. Oh the joy.

So I get this text later saying ‘Thanks for the coffee. You make me laugh’ And I don’t reply because I’m awful and I was busy feeling sorry for myself. Then  I get this:

‘I wont bother you anymore after this text but I was wondering if you could give me any feedback on this whole experience? I ask because my goal is to help guys get better at meeting girls, so if you could give me any feedback at all that'd be awesome, if not then that's cool and it was great meeting you.'


Hahaha yep. Not only did I have to endure a horrible coffee date being forced upon me I was required to answer a questionnaire and provide feedback as to how I felt it went. I am yet to reply. I will probably say something along the lines of ‘Remember all the things you did? Do the exact opposite of that’.

You’re probably wondering what my point is? Well here it is. Don’t force a girl to get coffee with you then expect feedback. You’re not Harvey Norman. You haven’t provided me with any goods or services and therefore you have no right to ask me how you went. Gosh, people are stupid. That’s my point. Funny right? Nah. It’s more sad. Uh oh, I’m doing that thing where I have a conversation with myself via blog. You should stop that right now. Okay.