Stocktake, stocktake, gotta get down at stocktake.
Today we did stock-take. Stock-take is the bane of my existence. When I realized it was drawing closer I spent the remainder of the day complaining and stating that I did not want to do stock-take. I think it's important to tell people when you don't want to do things, just on the off chance that you'll be allowed to skip it. But since I spent the last 2 days complaining to two people who had little, if any, influence on whether or not I was forced into this torturous event it was a waste of time.
I know you're probably wondering what the big deal is. 'It's just stocktake' I hear you mutter quite nonchalantly. But it is a big deal. IT'S A HUGE DEAL. You don't understand how horrific this task is. It incorporates all the aspects of my job that I hate, for example, doing things, touching stock, counting, standing and being completely silent for hours at a time. That last one is killer because when I'm not allowed to talk I think. And I think A LOT. I'm not entirely sure how thinking works for everyone else but when I think a voice that sounds like mine basically talks me through things. For example, if I'm thinking about twitter the voice in my head starts telling me all these things about twitter that it knows. It's like having a friend. A friend in your head. Or in your brain. A brain friend or something. Often I wonder if it's not actually trying to become a separate entity, I don't know exactly how that works but I'm sure it's plotting away and one day I'll find out. Now that I think about it I'm not sure that having a voice in your head that tells you things is normal. HAHAHAHAHA AT LEAST IT DOESN'T TELL ME TO KILL OR ANYTHING LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLAOSAFHSDGSH;SDFJHSFSBHFGDG.
Sorry. That last part was the brain friend. It is damaged from stock-take. Let's get back on topic. I've decided to break stock-take down into parts. It makes it easier and better because I get to use headings and I LOVE HEADINGS!
1.Counting.
When I'm doing stock-take my brain likes to distract me. So if I'm counting I have to do it out loud. But because we're not allowed to talk, I have to whisper the numbers to myself. Since I don't want to be caught whispering to myself in front of my coworkers I mouth the numbers to myself. And since I can't see what I'm mouthing I lose track and have to count all the stuff again. At which point, my brain laughs and laughs and laughs and I get sad and ask it why it has to be so mean to me because I'm trying my best. Then I realize I've been staring into space for 3 minutes and crying whilst mouthing numbers to myself which I can't see and worry that my colleagues have noticed and think I'm a bit strange.
2. Scanning
After counting for what seems like hours you get to scan things. I like to scan. Except when the guy in charge is all, 'stop scanning yourself in the eye/mouth' and I'm all like, '*RING RING, holds scanner to ear* hello? I'm not getting any reception! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL MUST BE WITH 3!'. Anyway, so we scan. And because you have to physically pick everything up to scan it you get to disperse months worth of dust which has taken us ages to collect. I'm conveniently allergic to dust-mites so my eyes get all itchy and my nose gets all blocked so the scanning game becomes not so much fun. Then you try rush through it but your brain keeps saying things like, 'oh my! Your eyes are itchy, why don't you rub them?' and just as you're about to it screams 'WAIT! Your hands are filthy, don't put them in your eyes!'. Tough gig. Everyone loses. And by everyone I mean me.
3. Count It Again.
Every now and then you'll go to the counter and the guy will be all, go count this area again and you have to do it because he's in charge so you trudge off and make a grumbling noise only to realize that he's heard you because it's completely silent in the room. The only reason counting it again sucks is because it implies that someone has made a mistake the first time and you don't want to make mistakes because you win prizes if you're good at it. I don't win prizes because of all the reasons which I have stated in part 1 and 2.
4. And Now Scan It Again.
I can't really explain this one, I guess if you count it wrong, you've scanned it wrong. And if you've scanned it wrong you need to scan it again so it's right. Over and over we scan. Beep beep, beep beep, beep beep. Sometimes my brain tries to convince me that the machines are having conversations with each other. That's fun because I get distracted and think of all the possible things that they are talking about. Most of the time I think they're talking about how much they hate stock-take and also how much they enjoy when the crazy girl presses them against her head and makes that phone joke over and over again. I think the machines and I would be friends.
Anyway, I'm tired now. I'm going to bed. Tomorrow I get to do this all again. And then never again. And by never I mean, not for a few months.
I know you're probably wondering what the big deal is. 'It's just stocktake' I hear you mutter quite nonchalantly. But it is a big deal. IT'S A HUGE DEAL. You don't understand how horrific this task is. It incorporates all the aspects of my job that I hate, for example, doing things, touching stock, counting, standing and being completely silent for hours at a time. That last one is killer because when I'm not allowed to talk I think. And I think A LOT. I'm not entirely sure how thinking works for everyone else but when I think a voice that sounds like mine basically talks me through things. For example, if I'm thinking about twitter the voice in my head starts telling me all these things about twitter that it knows. It's like having a friend. A friend in your head. Or in your brain. A brain friend or something. Often I wonder if it's not actually trying to become a separate entity, I don't know exactly how that works but I'm sure it's plotting away and one day I'll find out. Now that I think about it I'm not sure that having a voice in your head that tells you things is normal. HAHAHAHAHA AT LEAST IT DOESN'T TELL ME TO KILL OR ANYTHING LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLAOSAFHSDGSH;SDFJHSFSBHFGDG.
Sorry. That last part was the brain friend. It is damaged from stock-take. Let's get back on topic. I've decided to break stock-take down into parts. It makes it easier and better because I get to use headings and I LOVE HEADINGS!
1.Counting.
When I'm doing stock-take my brain likes to distract me. So if I'm counting I have to do it out loud. But because we're not allowed to talk, I have to whisper the numbers to myself. Since I don't want to be caught whispering to myself in front of my coworkers I mouth the numbers to myself. And since I can't see what I'm mouthing I lose track and have to count all the stuff again. At which point, my brain laughs and laughs and laughs and I get sad and ask it why it has to be so mean to me because I'm trying my best. Then I realize I've been staring into space for 3 minutes and crying whilst mouthing numbers to myself which I can't see and worry that my colleagues have noticed and think I'm a bit strange.
2. Scanning
After counting for what seems like hours you get to scan things. I like to scan. Except when the guy in charge is all, 'stop scanning yourself in the eye/mouth' and I'm all like, '*RING RING, holds scanner to ear* hello? I'm not getting any reception! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL MUST BE WITH 3!'. Anyway, so we scan. And because you have to physically pick everything up to scan it you get to disperse months worth of dust which has taken us ages to collect. I'm conveniently allergic to dust-mites so my eyes get all itchy and my nose gets all blocked so the scanning game becomes not so much fun. Then you try rush through it but your brain keeps saying things like, 'oh my! Your eyes are itchy, why don't you rub them?' and just as you're about to it screams 'WAIT! Your hands are filthy, don't put them in your eyes!'. Tough gig. Everyone loses. And by everyone I mean me.
3. Count It Again.
Every now and then you'll go to the counter and the guy will be all, go count this area again and you have to do it because he's in charge so you trudge off and make a grumbling noise only to realize that he's heard you because it's completely silent in the room. The only reason counting it again sucks is because it implies that someone has made a mistake the first time and you don't want to make mistakes because you win prizes if you're good at it. I don't win prizes because of all the reasons which I have stated in part 1 and 2.
4. And Now Scan It Again.
I can't really explain this one, I guess if you count it wrong, you've scanned it wrong. And if you've scanned it wrong you need to scan it again so it's right. Over and over we scan. Beep beep, beep beep, beep beep. Sometimes my brain tries to convince me that the machines are having conversations with each other. That's fun because I get distracted and think of all the possible things that they are talking about. Most of the time I think they're talking about how much they hate stock-take and also how much they enjoy when the crazy girl presses them against her head and makes that phone joke over and over again. I think the machines and I would be friends.
Anyway, I'm tired now. I'm going to bed. Tomorrow I get to do this all again. And then never again. And by never I mean, not for a few months.
maybe if you stopped thinking stupid things you would make less mistakes and we could leave earlier...
ReplyDeletekeep that in mind for tomorrow, kthanks ;)