The more you ignore me, the closer I get.
It's been a while since I blogged. I'd love to say this is because I've been busy living life but in all honesty it's just because I've spent too much time playing xbox. It's hard to come up with things to blog about when you don't leave the house. Anyway today I had to go to work. I wasn't looking forward to it because I've worked the last 2 days and after 2 days in retail I pretty much want to rip my hair out but I went regardless because that's how work goes. Nothing overly interesting happened today except that Stalky called. Lately he calls constantly. It's nice because it provides me with material for my blogs...if I decide to write them which most of the time I don't. Anyway, he's been extra crazy the last few days so I figure I'll dedicate a blog to him and be done with it. Also, if I go missing you should probably inform the police about him.
Here are some key things that you should know about him.
He:
Saturday
Phone call
Me: thanks for calling, Vanessa speaking
*long pause*
Me: hello?
Stalky: h-h-hey Vanessa
Me: *sadface*
Stalky: it-it-it's good hearing your voice again
Me: *loud sigh* is there anything you need today?
Stalky: my-my-my order finally came in
Me: okay?
*silence*
Stalky: when is Smallville season 10 out?
Me: there's no date yet.
Stalky: oh okay, b-b-bye Vanessa
*hangs up*
I was feeling pretty good about this conversation because it seemed like he has asked all he needed to and creeped me out just the right amount for the day. I assumed that would be the last I heard from him for the week. Right? No. Wrong. I don't know why I ever think I can predict people's behaviours because I am often (always) wrong.
Visit
Stalky: *walks to the counter muttering* this is just the beginning
Me: *frown* what the heck?
Stalky: it's nice seeing you Vanessa
Me: okay
Stalky: y-y-you're ha-ha-having a hard time getting the words it's nice seeing you t-t-too out
Me: HAHAHA
Stalky to Ryan the new guy: I don't know who you are
Ryan: *confused face*
Stalky: Vanessa hasn't told m-m-me a thing about you
Ryan: oh okay...
I put through his order in record speed and he left the store.
Sunday
Phone call 1:
This took place before the store was open. I don't know why I answer the phone before I'm even open. He's usually the only person who calls before the store is open. I think he does it strategically because he knows that we can't possibly be busy with other customers if the store isn't open. He's sneaky like that.
Me: good morning, Vanessa speaking
Stalky: h-h-hey Vanessa
Me: hey
Stalky: I-I-I had a feeling you would be there
Me: okay
Stalky: when is Smallville season 10 out?
Me: there's no date yet remember?
Stalky: I know the date
Me: that's nice
Stalky: want to know?
Me: no. I'm busy. Bye.
Phone call 2:
I didn't talk to him this time. Ryan had the pleasure of this conversation. He was giggling a little bit, presumably because he's not used to the stutter or the awkwardness that comes from conversations with Stalky.
Ryan: thanks for calling Ryan speaking
Stalky: *asks about Smallville obviously*
Ryan: there's no date
Stalky: is Vanessa there?
Ryan: no she's stepped out
Stalky: is she coming back?
Ryan: I don't know
Stalky: okay bye
Phone call 3:
Me: thanks for calling Vanessa speaking
Stalky: h-h-hey Vanessa
*silence*
Stalky: w-w-what are you doing?
Me: working
Stalky: I kn-kn-knew you'd answer
Me: right:
Stalky: it-it-it's good seeing you today
Me: you're not even here, how can you see me?!
Stalky: I-I-I was going to come in and see you but I didn't w-w-want to make you sick
Me: haha oh yeah?
Stalky: w-w-when is Smallville out?
Me: are you serious? I've told you! There's no date.
Stalky: o-o-okay Vanessa. I know when it's out
Me: alright I've got to go
*hangs up*
Monday
Phone call:
Again I didn't answer this call but my other colleague did. He told me about the conversation and I had a giggle.
Matt: thanks for calling Matt speaking
Stalky: h-h-hey Matt
Matt: hi
Stalky: *Smallville question*
Matt: *same answer as everyone else*
Stalky: I talked to Vanessa yesterday
Matt: cool?
Stalky: it-it-it was cool.
Matt: okay bye.
So that's been my last few days. I pretty much have the most interesting life ever right? Yeah. Okay. Bye.
Oh wait, @TonyFaccenda named my blog. It's a Morrissey song. You should follow him on twitter. Tony, not Morrissey, you know, because he's dead. Morrissey, not Tony. Wow.
Here are some key things that you should know about him.
He:
- walks like a pigeon
- has a serious stutter
- always wears sweat pants
- always has a dirty cap on
- has a blond rat tail
- is ridiculously creepy
- loves Smallville
This is how he walks towards the counter. Usually I'm better at impersonating the stutter but I was feeling particularly awkward.
Saturday
Phone call
Me: thanks for calling, Vanessa speaking
*long pause*
Me: hello?
Stalky: h-h-hey Vanessa
Me: *sadface*
Stalky: it-it-it's good hearing your voice again
Me: *loud sigh* is there anything you need today?
Stalky: my-my-my order finally came in
Me: okay?
*silence*
Stalky: when is Smallville season 10 out?
Me: there's no date yet.
Stalky: oh okay, b-b-bye Vanessa
*hangs up*
I was feeling pretty good about this conversation because it seemed like he has asked all he needed to and creeped me out just the right amount for the day. I assumed that would be the last I heard from him for the week. Right? No. Wrong. I don't know why I ever think I can predict people's behaviours because I am often (always) wrong.
Visit
Stalky: *walks to the counter muttering* this is just the beginning
Me: *frown* what the heck?
Stalky: it's nice seeing you Vanessa
Me: okay
Stalky: y-y-you're ha-ha-having a hard time getting the words it's nice seeing you t-t-too out
Me: HAHAHA
Stalky to Ryan the new guy: I don't know who you are
Ryan: *confused face*
Stalky: Vanessa hasn't told m-m-me a thing about you
Ryan: oh okay...
I put through his order in record speed and he left the store.
Sunday
Phone call 1:
This took place before the store was open. I don't know why I answer the phone before I'm even open. He's usually the only person who calls before the store is open. I think he does it strategically because he knows that we can't possibly be busy with other customers if the store isn't open. He's sneaky like that.
Me: good morning, Vanessa speaking
Stalky: h-h-hey Vanessa
Me: hey
Stalky: I-I-I had a feeling you would be there
Me: okay
Stalky: when is Smallville season 10 out?
Me: there's no date yet remember?
Stalky: I know the date
Me: that's nice
Stalky: want to know?
Me: no. I'm busy. Bye.
Phone call 2:
I didn't talk to him this time. Ryan had the pleasure of this conversation. He was giggling a little bit, presumably because he's not used to the stutter or the awkwardness that comes from conversations with Stalky.
Ryan: thanks for calling Ryan speaking
Stalky: *asks about Smallville obviously*
Ryan: there's no date
Stalky: is Vanessa there?
Ryan: no she's stepped out
Stalky: is she coming back?
Ryan: I don't know
Stalky: okay bye
Phone call 3:
Me: thanks for calling Vanessa speaking
Stalky: h-h-hey Vanessa
*silence*
Stalky: w-w-what are you doing?
Me: working
Stalky: I kn-kn-knew you'd answer
Me: right:
Stalky: it-it-it's good seeing you today
Me: you're not even here, how can you see me?!
Stalky: I-I-I was going to come in and see you but I didn't w-w-want to make you sick
Me: haha oh yeah?
Stalky: w-w-when is Smallville out?
Me: are you serious? I've told you! There's no date.
Stalky: o-o-okay Vanessa. I know when it's out
Me: alright I've got to go
*hangs up*
Monday
Phone call:
Again I didn't answer this call but my other colleague did. He told me about the conversation and I had a giggle.
Matt: thanks for calling Matt speaking
Stalky: h-h-hey Matt
Matt: hi
Stalky: *Smallville question*
Matt: *same answer as everyone else*
Stalky: I talked to Vanessa yesterday
Matt: cool?
Stalky: it-it-it was cool.
Matt: okay bye.
So that's been my last few days. I pretty much have the most interesting life ever right? Yeah. Okay. Bye.
Oh wait, @TonyFaccenda named my blog. It's a Morrissey song. You should follow him on twitter. Tony, not Morrissey, you know, because he's dead. Morrissey, not Tony. Wow.
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