Breaking Dawn? More like Breaking Yawn!
Let's get one thing clear before you read this, it's not a movie review. I don't review movies. I don't care for other people's opinions on movies nor do I expect people to care about my opinions on movies. I will however warn you that this is about my experience watching Breaking Dawn and in some parts I use extremely persuasive tones to convince you not to watch it. But like I said, not a movie review. Let us begin...
It's that time of year, guys. The time when the new Twilight movie comes out and girls everywhere grab their best friends/boyfriends/Edward Cullen tshirts and skip, arm-in-arm, into the movie theater with expectations high. And that's where our tale starts.
I'm not going to lie, I'm a Twilight fan. Not a crazy fan with an 'I heart Edward Cullen' tattoo on my face, but I've read the books and seen the movies so I'm pretty into it. The books aren't bad. Seriously. I know everyone who tries to justify their Twilight obsession says it but they're not. Granted, after reading them I raised my standards in males to a ridiculous level but human guys brought it right back down in time. Anyway, today I went to see Breaking Dawn with my cousins. And I had no expectations. I know I said the books were good, but the movies are so horrifically bad that they actually turn you off the books. So here we were walking into the cinema, shame covering our faces while we whispered to the ticket lady that we wanted tickets to Breaking Dawn. The girl didn't laugh or anything, she just handed me my ticket and served the next Twilight fan. So I walked back to Danielle and Annalie (my cousins) and they showed me this.
It's a wedding invite! The girl that served me didn't give me mine so I had to go back, in all my shame and embarrassment and ask for one, but goddammit, if I'm going to go see Breaking Dawn on it's release date then I'm getting an invite to the wedding. Anyway, we walk in and get seats and nothing interesting happened until the movie started. Oh wait, I lie. There was a girl eating an ice cream. But not like a normal person, she dipped her ice cream into the popcorn then proceeded to eat the ice cream covered popcorn off the cone before repeating her actions. Yep, this town is full of weirdos.
Hmm, this blog is too long to cover the whole movie because it went for nearly forever. Two hours is probably more accurate. Two LONG hours. Excruciatingly long. It was so long that there was a point where I actually thought time had stopped. Breaking Dawn created a black hole. I don't even want to talk about the whole movie. I just want to point out the two best scenes because if you're going to go watch it, and let's be honest, most of you will. You need to look out for these bits.
Scene One - The Wedding
In this scene, Bella is getting ready for her wedding. Unfortunately for her she's marrying Edward Cullen so everyone watching already hates her. Myself included (see, I told you I was a fan). Anyway, what you need to do is watch her while she walks down the aisle. She is in agony. I don't have anything against Kristen Stewart but whoever decided to cast her as Bella made it utterly impossible for these movies to be enjoyable. I felt like I had Aspergers because her facial expressions made no sense.
Scene Two - The Wolf Pack
When I hear 'The Wolf Pack' I used to think of The Hangover, but not now. Now I will think of the scene where Jacob finds out that Bella is pregnant with the human-vampire hybrid (whose name is Renesmee, which in itself is another reason to detest this movie) and he and the other wolves have a heated argument regarding what to do with the spawn. Danielle pointed out that in the book, this scene was actually from Jacob's point of view, and he spent the whole time yelling at people. So in a way, it's fairly accurate. That said, it's easily the worst thing I have ever experienced in terms of movie watching. Danielle summed it up perfectly when she turned to me and whispered 'what are we watching? Animorphs?'. Remember animorphs? Now imagine the acting of Twilight, the graphics of a movie made by a year 9 media class AND Animorphs and you have a small idea of what this scene will be like.
Halfway through my back started aching. I don't know if it was related to the agony that I was inflicting on myself by watching this monstrosity, but it didn't really help the situation. Overall, I would have to say Breaking Dawn was utterly atrocious (thanks for the word, Pete). I've already started to block it from my memory which is most likely for the best. That said, I'm definitely looking forward to part two.
It's that time of year, guys. The time when the new Twilight movie comes out and girls everywhere grab their best friends/boyfriends/Edward Cullen tshirts and skip, arm-in-arm, into the movie theater with expectations high. And that's where our tale starts.
I'm not going to lie, I'm a Twilight fan. Not a crazy fan with an 'I heart Edward Cullen' tattoo on my face, but I've read the books and seen the movies so I'm pretty into it. The books aren't bad. Seriously. I know everyone who tries to justify their Twilight obsession says it but they're not. Granted, after reading them I raised my standards in males to a ridiculous level but human guys brought it right back down in time. Anyway, today I went to see Breaking Dawn with my cousins. And I had no expectations. I know I said the books were good, but the movies are so horrifically bad that they actually turn you off the books. So here we were walking into the cinema, shame covering our faces while we whispered to the ticket lady that we wanted tickets to Breaking Dawn. The girl didn't laugh or anything, she just handed me my ticket and served the next Twilight fan. So I walked back to Danielle and Annalie (my cousins) and they showed me this.
It's a wedding invite! The girl that served me didn't give me mine so I had to go back, in all my shame and embarrassment and ask for one, but goddammit, if I'm going to go see Breaking Dawn on it's release date then I'm getting an invite to the wedding. Anyway, we walk in and get seats and nothing interesting happened until the movie started. Oh wait, I lie. There was a girl eating an ice cream. But not like a normal person, she dipped her ice cream into the popcorn then proceeded to eat the ice cream covered popcorn off the cone before repeating her actions. Yep, this town is full of weirdos.
Hmm, this blog is too long to cover the whole movie because it went for nearly forever. Two hours is probably more accurate. Two LONG hours. Excruciatingly long. It was so long that there was a point where I actually thought time had stopped. Breaking Dawn created a black hole. I don't even want to talk about the whole movie. I just want to point out the two best scenes because if you're going to go watch it, and let's be honest, most of you will. You need to look out for these bits.
Scene One - The Wedding
In this scene, Bella is getting ready for her wedding. Unfortunately for her she's marrying Edward Cullen so everyone watching already hates her. Myself included (see, I told you I was a fan). Anyway, what you need to do is watch her while she walks down the aisle. She is in agony. I don't have anything against Kristen Stewart but whoever decided to cast her as Bella made it utterly impossible for these movies to be enjoyable. I felt like I had Aspergers because her facial expressions made no sense.
Scene Two - The Wolf Pack
When I hear 'The Wolf Pack' I used to think of The Hangover, but not now. Now I will think of the scene where Jacob finds out that Bella is pregnant with the human-vampire hybrid (whose name is Renesmee, which in itself is another reason to detest this movie) and he and the other wolves have a heated argument regarding what to do with the spawn. Danielle pointed out that in the book, this scene was actually from Jacob's point of view, and he spent the whole time yelling at people. So in a way, it's fairly accurate. That said, it's easily the worst thing I have ever experienced in terms of movie watching. Danielle summed it up perfectly when she turned to me and whispered 'what are we watching? Animorphs?'. Remember animorphs? Now imagine the acting of Twilight, the graphics of a movie made by a year 9 media class AND Animorphs and you have a small idea of what this scene will be like.
Halfway through my back started aching. I don't know if it was related to the agony that I was inflicting on myself by watching this monstrosity, but it didn't really help the situation. Overall, I would have to say Breaking Dawn was utterly atrocious (thanks for the word, Pete). I've already started to block it from my memory which is most likely for the best. That said, I'm definitely looking forward to part two.
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