Persistence. It won't get you a second date but it will get you a blog.

Retail is horrible. I've probably said this a billion times but no one seems to understand just how bad it is. You have to answer hundreds of stupid questions every day, spend most of your day rushing around and you get yelled at. Constantly. Anyway, the other day a guy came into my work, he was looking for a Will Ferrell movie. Which one? He didn't know. But he did ask me to list all the Will Ferrell movies I had in store to see if it was the one he was looking for. I listed 2. Elf and Land of the Lost. You'd think I could come up with a more extensive list, at least one including Step Brothers? But no. That's all that came to mind. So I told him and he said no and that was it. I had done my part. I continued to do my work. 


Later, I was walking back from my lunch break and I heard someone call my name. Naturally, I kept walking because I'm not overly interested in stopping and making conversation with people. However, when the person kept calling me I turned around. Guess who it was? The Will Ferrell fan! How he knew my name I have no idea but he did. I was a little surprised so I responded with...


Me: heeeey?
Guy: hey what are you listening to? (because I had headphones in, obviously)
Me: oh Relient K
Guy: *confused face* what are you doing?
Me: going back to work 
Guy: oh...*follows me into the store*
Me: um...
Guy: you're a little cutie
Brain: *gags*
Me: thanks? *awkward awkward awkward*
Guy: can I have your number?
Me: um, I'm at work
Guy: I'll come back. 
Brain: I'LL STILL BE AT WORK?!
Guy: *leaves*


I continue my shift. I didn't see him again. So I close up the store and turn off the lights, just as I'm opening the gates to leave guess who popped up like a pop out book from hell? Yep. Guy. So I did what I always do, I panicked. I've thought about this a lot and I think that the reason I get so anxious in these situations is because I love Spiderman. He is always anxious. I think I need a new role model. Anyway, back to the story. I was all..


Me: hey
Guy: how was work?
Me: um...fine.
Guy: cool. Want to go grab a drink?
Brain: IT'S 5PM ALCO!?
Me: look, I don't want to sound rude but I'm super tired, I'll give you my number and we can do that another time...
Brain: hahaha no we won't
Guy: what about coffee?
Me: um I'm really tired, I had a late night
Brain: LEAVE ME ALONE! LEAVE ME ALONE!
Guy: just coffee *follows me*
Me: okay :(


So I went out for coffee with him. We had nothing in common. He didn't know any bands I listed, he didn't watch and tv shows I liked, he didn't listen when I answered his questions so he would repeatedly ask me the same question. It was like this


Guy: are you studying?
Me: yeah, I'm doing nursing
Guy: cool. My mum's a nurse
Me: great.
*insert a new conversation topic*


...5 minutes later...


Guy: so do you study?
Brain: is he serious?
Me: I sure do, I'm doing nursing remember?
Guy: oh yeah, mum's a nurse too!
Me: awesome!
*insert new conversation*


...3 minutes later...


Guy: have you studied?
Brain: AHAHAAHAHA OH MY GOD
Me: ??? yes. Nursing.
Guy: cool
Me: :(



Anyway, I drank my coffee and said I needed to go. Then something interesting happened. He tried to hug me. I don't know what the heck he was thinking but he tried. And I was all 'oh god, please get off me. People don't touch me'. Here's a tip: don't touch a girl you just met. She probably won't appreciate it.  


When we arrived at my car this went down...


Me: that was fun.
Brain: liar
Guy: how about a hug?
Me: nah
Guy: *tries to hug me*
Me: no. No. No. 
Guy: how about a kiss?
Me: no thanks
Guy: okay bye
Me: *speeds away*




So I blacklisted him. I put him in my phone as Crazy Coffee Guy and planned never again to speak to him. But then I got a new phone and didn't add him as a contact. And this happened. 

The 'sorry if I got you in trouble' text was because he came into my work. Psycho.

He thinks my name is Veronica. I don't correct him because I don't want him to know my real name.

Before asking if he could call he tried. Twice.

I stopped replying but yesterday he came into work again. Twice. One time he just 'browsed' and stared at me when he thought I wasn't looking. The next time he returned he had changed shirts. I think he thought it was a disguise or something. Anyway, he's mental.